One side takes it seriously and the other does not follow it at all. That is a conversation for the first week, not the fourth.
How much weight horoscope matching carries varies sharply across the districts this site covers — it is taken more seriously in Kurukshetra and parts of northern Haryana than in the canal belt or the tricity, and it varies within a single district by household. Two Kamboj families a hundred kilometres apart can hold completely different positions on it and both consider theirs the normal one. The Kurukshetra page states the local default plainly, for brides or grooms.
Which is why this is a conversation to have at the start, not a step to be discovered later.
There are three honest positions
- "We match kundlis and the result decides." Then say so before anything else progresses, and say who will read it.
- "We will have it read, but it is not the deciding factor." The commonest position, and it needs stating because the other side will otherwise assume one of the extremes.
- "We do not follow it." Also entirely normal, and far better said in week one than offered as a reason in week four.
Say your position first
The family that states its position first sets the terms of a reasonable conversation. The family that waits ends up either agreeing to a process they do not believe in, or declining on grounds that now look like an excuse.
A single line does it: "We do not follow kundli matching, but if your side does, we are happy for you to have it read." That is respectful, clear, and it leaves the decision where it belongs.
If you do match
Agree in advance who reads it and accept the answer. What causes trouble is not the matching, it is the second and third opinion sought after an unfavourable reading, which nobody involved finds convincing and which turns a tradition into a negotiation.
Do it early, too — before photographs are circulated and before the elders have started talking about dates.
Do not use it as a cover
A horoscope objection is a tempting way to refuse without giving a reason. It is worth resisting, for two reasons. It is often checked, particularly in a community where the same families keep meeting, and a family known to have used a reason they do not believe in carries that afterwards.
A plain no is kinder and cleaner. There is a separate article on this blog about how to give one.
What this is and is not
This is custom and family practice, not law. Nothing in Indian marriage law turns on a horoscope, and no registrar will ask about one. It matters exactly as much as the two families decide it matters — which is why the only real advice here is to find that out early.
Where this comes from
This article carries no external sources. It rests on the SaathiSutra matchmaking team’s own work with families in these districts. Where an article turns on a statute or a government portal we cite it; where the advice comes from experience we say so rather than attaching official-looking links it does not rest on.
Our team answers every message. Reach out and we will sort it out.
